just want to give up

how is it that i just keep fooling myself into thinking that im ok and that things are great and manageable and all that when its not..its so far from being ok that i dont even know how to describe it anymore..i dont think i can describe it. its just i woke up this morning feeling so so bad..so tired of just everything..im not sleepy..im tired..my body feels like if i just stop moving and thinking it will just cave and be nothing anymore..im tearful because i have to work today and all i want to do is just lay down and not deal with anything..thats all i want...i dont want to talk to anyone and i dont want to deal with or think about anything..i want to just give up...call it quits..go away.. i dont want to see t tomorrow.. i dont want to have to talk to the pdoc cas the meds arent working enough to keep me in neutral..i just want to pull it together enough to make it to work and thats all i want this week..i just want it all to just stop and leave me alone.. i just... i just dont know what to do..