yep its going to be a busy week at work i think..and well it didnt help matters at all that we came to work and the power was out in all of the cottages! its frustrating because well we cant do anything at all..and well cant cook or do the online paperwork right now so we are kinda just stuck...and its soooo boring..i almost fell asleep on the couch waiting for it to get to 3 so we could go and get the girls from school! am still feelings pretty tired though..
well had t this morning and did talk some a bout the wanting to cut, and attention and need and all that..and i kept losing focus with her...shutting down kinda..and well she could tell and would get my attention again..but then she would start talking and asking questions again and it would happen all over again...and i tried to talk to her about it..but i couldnt really explain the 'going away' or what was happening..and it was upsetting and hard..and i was working to keep things under control and not completely lose it cas i refuse to do that..and losing control would be directly related to letting the anger really come out and thats something that i just can not deal with or let happen..i just cant but just having trouble with staying focused today...feeling a little off and on edge..but managing...im really hoping work will be fairly low stress today cas well we cant stay in the cottage..so yeah...and then saw the pdoc and i think im still a little upset with her for telling me that theres a chance she may transfer me to someone else..and well i of course turned it into she doesnt want to work with me anymore..and i wasnt ok with that at all..but then well i told t and t talked to her about it and so its ok now..but we will see..i may just refuse to see anyone else..but i know that change would not go over well at all..but with the meds no changes except increases the effexor which i wanted anyway...and she did mention that maybe i cshould consider spliting up the lexapro and take half in the morning and half at night to kinda help level out the fatique..but i dont know about that yet..cas im so used to taking it all at once in the morning and that im ok with..but i am more tired..and some of that may also be related to the fact that this weekend and this being the long week at work is draining my engery big time..and its just taking me some time to regroup and deal with it all...and i was reading online about the side effects of the effexor and im really thinking i need to get my eating in order and im gonna have to really work hard at staying a bit active..cas of course one of the side effects is weight gain..and i dont think it was a big issue before..but im most certainly not making it any better!...so just some things i need to keep an eye on and of course any other weird things that may happen cas of the dose going up...
but just trying to deal with the day and make it to thrusday.so that we can get a break from it all..just for a little while...i know this weekend will be weird a bit because my shift partner wont be here friday or saturday and so the other shift is trading in those days ..so ill be working with one that im not completely comfortable with..and one that im semi ok with those two days...so a little worried but i think it will be ok..i hope it will be ok but yeah guess thats all.
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