saw t yesterday and im frustrated...i mean i wasnt feeling good and i know talking to her yesterday was just confusing because i couldnt manage to think and make sense of anything..and it was fine going but its starting to feel like im not doing anything in therapy..and that bothers me a lot..becuase i know its my fault..and that i can try harder to talk to her and talk about stuff..but i hardly ever do..and then half the time i forget what i even talked about..or i dont remember what ive said..and its frustrating..last night i was thinking about it and i dont know..its just very frustrating..
and i think im gonna have to cancel t for next week because im in training and i dont like that at all..but its to stressful trying to figure it all out..and i dont know what to do..i can be late for the training i guess but that wouldnt make a good impression at all..but i dont want to miss t either..its just bothering me a lot right now..and i cant figure out what to do about it at all..
actually had dinner with yvonne last night..and she apologized for being a bad roommate and friend..and she told me some that is going on with her..and well the possibility of her moving to where her grandmother is if her grandfather passes away..he has cancer and the chemo is really not going well..and so she is worried and its not looking good..and so in everything the chance of being here without her is on mind and worrying me...no im positive that whatever happened i would stay here ...in va..and just figure out what i wanted to do..school or work..i would not move back home...i cant do that..but i dont know...we are going to be moving though in sept/october...because the maintenance here is not good...my freaking ceiling is leaking and they wont fix our door...so yeah...going to start looking for a better place to live..
just so much going on in my head and imm not feeling good and so its all even more overwhelming and frustrating.. :
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