havent done much of anything today...came over the hang out at dees and do laundry. thrilling i know..it has helped being ovver here though. its quiet. no one making demands of me. i got to chat online and just do stuff online that i havent done in a while..played games..wasted time..the usual..but i feel a bit better today..still off though..hard to explain in some ways..but just still not really ok...worried about a lot of stuff..worried about therapy tomorrow and what i will be able to say..im not exactly sure how to tell linda that im suicidal..sigh...not good ..maybe ill make a list or something so i dont forget ..
nias wedding is this weekend..hard to believe its actually happening now..but the stress is setting in too..mommy is freaking out about the house and cleaning in her every waking moment and im not offering to help because theres no point..thats how most of the arguments got started over the weekend because i wouldnt help like she thought i would..and eventually it got around to her telling me my cleaning skills suck and my apartment was dirty and everything and it hurt my feelings because i did clean my apartment..maybe not every day but it was cleaned..but oh well it wasnt done good enough for her..so to bad i guess..but the more i think about the wedding and everything the more i wonder why they didnt wait..my sister although over 21 cant drive, and doesnt cook, or anything like that..i wonder how they will manage ..moving to a new town and everything ..and its not like she will be able to just call me or mommy and have one of us come and get her or something .. but i dont know .. maybe its not my concern..im guessing they have talked about it before..but still..
maybe im just overly worried about everything and its all just lumping together with everything else..i dont seem to know anything lately..not pleased that a bunch of ppl will be staying at our house..i cant handle crowded places to good..relatives or not..im worried about it..hate having to many ppl around me..makes me more paranoid than usual.
heard nothing on jobs..and the car the guy found is the wrong color so ill have to tell him to keep looking because i dont want a red car at all..blah...
1 comment:
Glad things are a little better. Letting your therapist read your journal or blog post might be a way to open the discussion.
I'm sure the wedding stress is playing a part in how you're feeling. Once that is over, it may help a tiny bit. Hope it goes well.
You're loved.
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