hoppefully this makes sense because my thoughts are still scattered all over the place..
in reference to the cutting we talked about love and mommy and other stuff..and i got around to mentioning that i didnt think mommy loved me at all..and how i have to be good and do everything im told so that she will..and then she talked about how some ppl just dont know how or cant express love..and it makes me mad..some ppl shouldnt be able to have kids if they are just going to be mean and hurt them and not love them..its not fair to the kid at all..and she was right in that if the kid just hears negative stuff thats all they know...it takes a lot of time to get me to say im not a bad person..thats always the first thing i think..thats what im used too..and ok fine its hard to convince someone of there worth when they dont want to believe it..
but then i was asked kinda what i wanted in a love type way from mommy..and i really dont know..whatever it is im still waiting for .. but i dont know what i want..or how to get it..makes me sad..
oh yea
im supposed to be making a list of ppl who are important to me...
aka reasons to stay alive
not to sure about that yet ..
talked about making a safety plan..next week..fun fun fun
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