hmm

i have a really big headache right now..i want to go and lay down but i know if i go to sleep then ill just wake up feeling horrible so im trying to just stay awake but its so boring doing nothing..

i keep thinking..more like i keep having this little voice in my head telling me to break and admit i have a problem..a few problems..i was looking around facebook and ended up in the causes section and looked through them and of course i realized that suddenly there are a lot of causes/awareness things about s/i and ed's and everything that i work incredibly hard to ignore and i want to join them but im to ashamed to do more than just look at them and then forget i ever saw them..i worry what ppl would think of me if suddenly i was joining all of these things but not doing anything about it..im a fake..a horrible fake..tell me how can i go to work on sunday and realize i cant even really wear a tshirt because i have news above my elbow..a lot of scars and if someone took the time to look it wouldnt take much to read what some of them say..wasnt in a great mood when i did those and i also didnt think it would scar as badly as they did..and after that all the ones now on my wrist and arm and ugh i hate myself ... i have no self control and i suck because ive promised more than once to stop and i have yet to follow through with that..i stopped for a while but now its likke nope never happened..

something i hadnt thought of before though..if i do happen to go to the doc for whatever reason would they really make me go to a therapist if i have scars or would be just if i had new scars ? i dont know but now im worried..not that i have any interest in ever going to the doc..dont know