what am i thinking?

so its parents weekend and it hasnt been a horrible weekend with just one kid at all but did it have to be my least favorite kid of all?! ugh but we did have fun yesterday we went to the movies and out to eat and shopping in a few stores..jim showed me some of the houses he is looking into for the adult program and they are really cool..we looked at one for 2.5 million dollars and it is seriously a house out of a fairy tale..it looked like it had just walked offof the pages of cinderella and just landed in the middle of hendersonville..gosh i wanted that house..i want to see inside of it and i want a picture just to have and stare at..just the outside of the house was beautiful. but the more realistic option is huge too..6 rooms, 6 bathrooms, playrooms, fireplaces, 3 car garage, gazebo..prolly more but thats all im remembering right now..and if we get that house then im moving there and dusti would go with me ...i think if we get a house then the semester program and be held there and not at camp...it would rock..there would be enough rooms for everyone..considering i would so have my own room but that would still leave four rooms free for the kids...but anyhoo that will really have to wait until after jim talks to linda and they decide what they are going to be doing about the house...we saw happily n'ever after yesterday and it was funny..a bit predictable but funny..we found the 2 dollar movie place so i cant complain.. and ive decided that ill be going there to see movies becuase they were showing 4 movies and out of the four i wanted to see 3 of them..i had already seen 2 of them..we went to a pet store and that was really cool..petted the bunnies and saw the ferrets and mice and birds and tons and tons of fish and turtles and snakes...they had a shark and a alligator there!!! the spiders and trantulas were incredibly creepy though..and still it was the coolest place ever..we are going to have to go to the exotic pet place one of these days and see what they have there! we went to asiana for dinner and its like this huge chinese buffet place..i had been once before and it was really good...it wasnt so bad going with jim and the kid we had but ..he was being a dork and brought up purging and he said it as a joke but that was really all it took for me to start thinking about it..i realy have only gotten sick in resturants maybe once or twice..less than five times becasue i try hard not to do it...but i did it yesterday and felt horrible for giving in..i didnt have to do it but i did anyway and i wasnt upset after aactually doing it ..i was upset that i did it while i was working..i always swore i would never pure while working because kids copy us a lot ..these kids especially and i dont want them picking up bad habiits from me when we are trying to make them understand how the world works..and its just not fair for them to not be ok just because im not ok...completely disappinted with myself for that one and im trying not to think about it but i woke up this morning feeling horrible and i knew some of it had to do with what i did yesterday and from cutting..i checked my arm this morning and its not bad at all like infection wise but that doesnt really mean one wont happen..and i couldnt explain away my arm even if i wanted too..for some reason saying i fell just wouldnt cut it and you would have to be the dumbest person alive to even begin to believe that i got them from falling..falling on what?! ugh stupid me..i really do know better and i hate that i couldnt control it..and that does sound completely lame i guess...wanted to do it this morning and didnt ..it would have taken less than a minute to let the two of them leave me in the dining hall alone long enough to go and throw up what i had for breakfast but i didnt..i left with them so i couldnt do it..good grief it really sucks when i all i think about is what to eat and what not to eat..not to mention my nose keeps bleeding because i dont know but its weird and it hurts...guess im done complaining...