upset

i really cant believe mommy actually told me i need to manage my money better...all ive donr for the past two weeks is worry about money after she told me my insurance was going up by a lot ...im back to figuring out what i have to give up to make up extra money somewhere...its so annoying that im left with nothing and i have to plan out what i can pay before i even get my pay check! ive done nothing but pay bills with my last check..ill do nothing but pay bills with this check..and its not fair...so much for being able to take care of myself..i cant even pay bills..mine or not i cant pay then and its so annoying because i hate paying late and i try to pay as much as i can on some of them but its like it doesnt even matter...i asked mommy to put money in my account because well i cant buy food or gas since i have to pay bills and that money isnt even really going for food..just gas and more bills..after stressing for a while trying to figure out what to give up and what not to give up i dont like what ive decided..if i want to save anything something has to go and theres really no way around that..so its come to well food for one thing..but i have to cancel internet and cable...i cant afford to keep it and its like almost painful knowing im going to lose my two biggest distractions..it sucks so much and i know im being completely shallow worrying about not having internet when there are millions of ppl with a lot less than i have..but it still sucks all the same..after i pay the bill ill just go ahead and cancel it and thats that...no sense freaking out about it..grow up and get a brain and just deal with it right...finally after asking for months mommy has mentioned taking henry off of my phone bill and letting me go back to having it on my own..it wasnt a good idea when i mentioned it but when she comes up with it the stupid thing is all fine and dandy..this morning i get a letter saying i owe 100 dollars i dont have and i dont get why so i have to figure that out tomorrow...on top of everything else i have to worry about..i cant do this..its like i work just to turn around and pay bills and still have no money..i couldnt do anything even if i wanted to..i cant save when im still slacking on paying everything and if i have to start paying back loans soon what will i do then when i dont even have extra money right now?! life sucks and i hate it..im doing everything im supposed to do short of dying and still i cant do anything right..and i really hate asking mommy for money because then she starts hinting that ill have to loan her more when she needs it..i tell her i dont have any and its like well then you need to save and manage your money ...i wanted to scream when she told me that...i left my checkbook at home this morning before i realized i needed gas and couldnt get any money out of the bank..i still dont have my check card yet and i have to use checks to get cash..i was half way to talisman this morning when i had to turn around...my watch is dead and i need another one..freaked and cut my wrist this morning..calmed me down enough to let me make it to work and do what i had to do..nothing more..now im at home again doing everything possible to make myself sick without actually doing it..i just want to go to bed..sleep for the next two weeks...it sucks