just a day

ive traded cutting for purging currently...im completely worried about going to therapy and then not making a decision on it...im worried that linda will figure out what it is i do to myself and fire me because im crazy..i cant tell jim because maybe he wont want to work with me anymore..and i cant not have a job..so i keep quiet and keep suffering in a bunch of ways...ive given in and decided i will go and look for the library tomorrow because i want to know where its at and i want some new books to read..might as well let myself escape the free way..but getting lost still worries me and i finally picked on going early just to find it and then going back later once i know the way..im tired and have a headache right now..still annoyed i didnt try harder to throw up lunch but i knew better than forcing it today at least..i think ill paint today..maybe it will help..maybe it wont but i need something to do for right now...i really want to go tothe movies and im trying hard not too..i spent over 5 hours in the movie theatre last week! because i didnt want to have to go back home...and yep there are a million movies i want to see but i cant just keep spending money to hang out at the movies..