interesting concept

well im home now for a few days...just woke up after seriously wasting the day away sleeping..gotta love taking a five hour nap in the middle of a day..and now im just not feeling together at all..more like just spacey and in my own little world..its been so long since ive taken a nap during the day and i should have remembered not to sleep for so long...but anyway..prolly really needed the sleep and ill prolly sleep tons the next few days to make up for not sleeping while we are on our trip..although i am excited about going to dc and the outer banks..not really interested in jamestown or yorktown though but going all the same..ten days without a break..well eleven days without a break..thinking about it really is overwhelming and it makes me nervous..but we are leaving a day early and going white water rafting and that i am excited for!!and it will be on a new place that we didnt go to last summer...so cool..although i am a little worried about falling out.but i always worry aabout that..so will see how it works out...checked the bank today and thankfully my last bill didnt overdraft since i got back the money i used on the bus yesterday and got to take it to the bank ...that i was glad for because it was making me so so so nervous...my car insurance is completely screwed up right now and mommy is trying to fix it since im not there and cant do anything about it..i hate paying for insurance..mostly because its so high since i just got my license...its not fair i have to pay almost 200 dollars i think its a wate of money and if i would stop speeding it wouldnt even be a huge issue...but whatever..deal with it and forgot about it...hmm sucked royally and b/p at work..not really binged but purged all the same..couldnt sleep last night..weird dreams that i dont remember..i kept waking up and just waiting for it to be time to wake up so i could stop faking sleep...dusti has been taking being on her own fairly well...i am a bit worried about leaving her for almost 2 weeks though...i know she will be ok but it jst seems like it will be forever before i come back home again..and then ill be gone for almost two weeks in april when we are in fla...lots to think about..i have to figure out what i need so i can pack for the trip thats saturday and do tons of laundry i let slack off..

but anyway back to what i was thinking about yesteerday..as i was on the bus so tired i couldnt even think straight..no idea why i was even so tired yesterday...but we had guests yesterday from one of the other aspen programs and a couple parents who are considering the program for next semester for there kids..and we had lunch with them and it was like ok be on your best behaviors ..insert rolled eyes here because the kids where well the usual way they are guests or no guests..but for some reason i was watching jon talk with the parents and its like the program runs because of us not the program managers..the 4 of us deal with the kids 24hrs a day for days at a time and the managers only have them a few hours a day 5 days a week..and even then we are still there dealing with behaviors and helping with school work..we deal with all the big stuff and we are the ones that work on behaviors and go back and forth between making them incredibly mad at us and letting them have a good time doing whatever..the program could be run almost without the program managers because its not really about them..but it couldnt be run without the counselors...and hearing the parents bring there kids back and get so many thank yous and hearing how happy the parents are with the progress their kids have made was shocking..maybe since im just always there and get so annoyed with some of them and sometimes it does feel like we are getting no where with them and their parents come and say they can see the changes in their kid just from the two months they have been here...i asked jim about it yesterday and he agreed that we do more with the kids about than the program managers..weird i never really thought i would be an impact on anyone..and sometimes it does feel like im being incredibly mean to them but never unfair...sure i dont like talking to the parents about there kids and i think the world would be a better place as long as i never have to do it but i could if i had too...so just interesting all of it...one of the parenst asked if iwas staying over the summer and for next session and i said i was..im fine with where im at for now..ive decided i want to stay for a couple years before going back to school and maybe at some point in there ill go back to therapy so ill be able to handle grad school with out freaking..simply known becuase i freaked out last night while we were doing our annoying social skills group..which was something as easy as personal space and inappropriate touch..didnt think it would bother me at all but we started talking about eye contact and the kid who usually takes things personally started to blow up and i just walked out because he was onlny hearing what he wanted to hear ..and once again he wasnt listening completely or even seeing what the big picture was and it really bothered me..so i got up and left..paced outside for almost 20 minutes and only went back in because it wasnt fair to leave jim with all of them...so i went back and tried really hard to stay focused on what was being talked about and i missed almost all of it..but the end when we started doing activities did make me feel better ..funniest thing ever watching them try to get someone to do something without talking or using there hands..i didnt do that one just watched..and if something as easy as personal space can agitate the heck out of me how will i talk about anything else?!