still the weekend

im really starting ot think that there is more to all of this dislike of weekends and i just dont know what it is..its nice not working or cleaning anything but still by last night i was sick of the weekend and sick of thinking of endless hours with nothing to do and no way to fill them..went to asheville and did that for part of yesterday and it kept me busy but once we were back i didnt know what to do with myself..ttoday went to asheville to eat and now that we are back im once again at a loss with what to do with myself..right now im jut wasting time on line and it is really boring me and i know i wont be doing it for much longer..the longer i siit here the more depressed and upset i feel..its a really horrible day outside and i dont want to go walking around in the rain and i dont want to stay inside either..no where else i really want to go because i dont like driving inthe rain but i did earlier and succesfully made it to asheville and back in one piece..i keep thinking of eeverything i have to do and everything im supposed to do and it does really stress me out in the worse way..i forgot a few things would be pulled out of my bank account and the money is there but it would help if there was more of it there..ive been careful with what money i did have but still gas isnt cheap and my car takes a lot of it...ever since ive gotten my car i havent yet asked mommy for gas money and after moving this coming up weekend i wont be doing massive amounts of driving either..all the moving stuff is starting to bother me too...im leaving here on friday what ever time we get back from dinner and going back to rocky point to get dusti and what i left there..then i have to go to greenville nc and finish packing and then get it all packed up and move it to greenville sc..some where in there sleep should come in but i just dont know how all of it is going to work out yet..this week i have tofigure out getting electric turned on andthats about all since the rest of it is just like cable and internet and i dont need that right this minute so theres no rush on it...i want to go to greenville and go ahead and pay my rent for this month and pick up keys and everything becausse im so worried about time frames and not getting here before the office closes on saturday to get it all done then..i dont know what we are going to be doing with work this week either and i have to be here for that and to help out and all this stuff..mommy just wont let up about the money and what im getting paid and it just bothers me so much being stuck calling her everyday for no good reason at all..i just want to tell her that no one else has to call there mom everyday and it makes me seem incredibly childish to have to do it just to listen to you ask how much im gettting paid and when im getting paid..it doesnt matter and it has nothing at all to do with you any more..ive already been told i have to take over and pay everything on my own by march or april and i know that ill have to work that into my monthly planning once i start getting paid..i dont need to be reminded because then i cant let it go and there are already a million other things in my head that im worrying about..why is it that i cant get a break at all?i filled up my car today and im hoping i wont have to do it again until its time to head home on friday..erika said she would give me money to help with gas so that will be good..im trying to hold on to as much extra money as i can incase i have to do a deposit for the electric bill..there are a lot of little things coming into play i guess that i just wasnt really paying attention too before..it really does help that i can break up the pet fee for dusti for now and so rent is a little cheaper for this month..next month though it will be the full amount and then i will find out kinda how the bill thing will go..my cell phone bill just annoys me and i really see no point at all in keeping it when i dont use it and im mostly just paying for henry to have a phone..no one freaking calls me on a reg basis except her and i dont want to talk to her anyway so i see no point in having it..im in a really bad mood right this minute and it doesnt seem to be lifting at all..ok deep breath...and change the subject...hmm didnt sleep well last night at all..couldnt fall asleep and when i was slseep i wasnt really sure i was sleeping..tossed and turned al night until i gave up at around 7 and just got up..went for a walk around camp before it really started raining because i was feeling so closed in and staying inside was not ok ..nervous energy maybe or something but just going and walking around did help clear my head a little bit..went ahead and got dressed and came up to the office to get online while i waited for erika to finish her stuff and then we went to brunch and that was fun..had pancakes and they were good...but i think ill have to find something to do..maybe ill write or catch up on my other writing or just watch tv and zone out for the rest of the afternoon..i dont know..i hate weekends