ok

its offically started for me..job wise..ive only been where with jim for 3 days and already one kid has hiked down the mountain alone, one has been restrained, some have lost privledges so much i dont know what good things they have left to do at all, we have had a student added so that we actually have 8 now..overall the group is getting along but they are still picking on each other and picking the stupidest fights with each other...they are the most self centered kids ever and just can not seem to realize exactly why it is we have to do the things we do..ive considered why i took this job when the one kid who gets at me so easily bothers me so much that pushing him off the mountain is looking like a good idea..but then there is the kid in the group who is the lowest functioning and its like watching him get better and better every day..he does his chores and gets dressed and follows directions with a lot of help but he can do it..he has gone from being the most umm in his own world i guess to being able to sit still and listen to the group when he are in the circle. he goes to school and helps with the kitchen clean up now..its just seeing him the first day and seeing him now makes me wonder what it is we are doing thats working with some of them..its like watching them get more and more comfortable everyday. i can really see some of them changing and i know that a lot of the issues and prblems we have been having with them is just them trying to see what our limits are for this side of the staff..it really does feel like i spend all day telling them to stop doing something or to stop picking on someone or to follow directions..adn then randomly we can sit down and have a normal conversation and have fun for a few minuteswithout anyone going off or walking away...yesterday when the one kid walked all the way back to camp i was so scared..i was pasted the point of being scared when we couldnt find him at the top of the mountain and had to go back down..i was wondering what we needed to do..i was so upset with him for walking away and upset for us not noticing..i should have paid more attention to him once we got to the top and it was just really good getting back and seeing him in the cabin..jim got to him first and told him that he had hurt all of us by walking away and that he cant do that ...i was really surprised that the kid really did understand at least that he had worried and scared all of us when we couldnt find him..he apoligized to everyone..and its really hard being around him and not wanting to baby him because he needs so much help getting things done..he is in his own little world but he will follow directions he i keep it as simple as possible with him and just watching him be able to sweep the whole dining hall floor alone and be so intent on doing it makes me wonder how much he takes in during the day and what he understands..i have to be really careful with him because he is so touchy and needs contact a lot of the time..i still get a little leary of him being so near but its not as bad anymore..so i know although we talk about getting fired and leaving and all this stuff i never would..its too much fun..everyday is something different and good grief they work so hard at trying to get over on us and cant understand why it doesnt work...kinda funny at times...

on to other news...im going home tomorrow night in the middle of the night to just check on dusti and get my bigger coat because the weather is getting really crappy ..yesterday was just miserable and we hiked the full 3 miles in the rain..and oh i really hate walking right now my legs hurt so much..hmm not feeling good at al anyway and im just trying really hard not to take it out on anyone unjustly...so thats pushing my limits to the max...i guess im ok though with everything..just really tired..and wanting a real shower in a clean bathroom in a bathtub and not have to go to the swamp or the office..there ok but not like a real shower..so when i go home tomorrow ill just take a shower before coming back and we leave to go to fla...cant say im really looking forward to that trip just because im starting to learn the kids and its easy to see who will just walk off when frustrated and who wont..and its not like walking away at camp..walking away in fla will be a lot more trouble and stuff for everyone..maybe it will be easier with everyone going staff wise to just kinda see..still no snow just tons of rain and some ice but no snow...i think my next move 50 years down the line will be to the middle of nowhere and then maybe ill get snow!