triggered

had to take the buses home today..my roommate forgot me i guess..but she didnt show up..i waited for over an hour..because i was so stupid i just kept waiting hoping she would come..and she didint .. i tried calling her and no answer...and i was going to walk home but was to scared..and finally went and got some cash out of the atm and tried the bus even though i didnt know where exactly it went or where i needed to get off..i told her i was scared of the buses..but i couldnt think of any other way to get home..so got on the bus..i couldnt think..and i was so scared i was going to get lost .. and not knowing where to get off or the schedule..or anything..there were to many people..i dont like feeling lost..or that i dont know where im going..i dont like being left or abandoned because that is a major trigger...mommy threatened to leave me places all the time...i dont like being somewhere i dont know by myself..i dont like not knowing where im at or going ...even just feeling lost is a trigger...im trying to disappear on the bus and cant..i had to ask someone for help because i wasnt sure where to go when i got off the first bus..and i tried to figure it out on my own..i really did and i was to stupid to figure it out on my own..finally got on the right bus to come home and it was to crowded..i tried to get as cllose to the window as i could and still someone sat beside me..im trying to get home and not have a break down or a panic attack...finally start to recongize where im at and get off and walk the rest of the way home..and i get home and completely break down..im still crying..a bit...trying to get grounded and calm down...cant brethe im so anxious and worked up...im so so upset and scared still..i dont want to cry anymore..my head hurts...i took two of the anxiety meds trying to calm down and maybe they are starting to kick in..i dont know..