my feelings are hurt...seriously

i talked to mommy this morning as usual...but it was a whole conversation about me and sarah ...and that there is no realtionship...i didnt ask sarah for money..or a car or anything...i didnt plan on it..but some how that is wrong ... somehow its all wrong and i dont understand...suddenly im not supposed to think of anyone else..im supposed to think of me...but when i try to think of me then im being selfish ..im being stupid...im wrong in some way...suddenly every little support that i have is being taken away from me..and i am alone...im being told that i shouldnt be seeing sarah that i shouldnt see curvon that i shouldnt do or see anyone..because im in this hole and i guess she is the only one helping me and she cant even do that because i just get that whole conversation about how it is to much..how she has stuff to pay and she cant..and its just all warped in my head...suddenly i feel that i just need the knife and i will shut down and just not talk about anything at all...it doesnt help..there is no such thing as happy..not for me...