Just sad

I know that I'm probably not thinking clearly...I'm just sad right now...I guess it is stupid to think that therapy is supposed to make me instantly happy..but because of my mood lately I'm struggling...with everything..I'm not really safe with myself and I think that is what has me feeling so sad..that I couldn't say I would move the knife from under my bed..or that i wouldn't kill myself..I have both of them worried...And I really don't mean to do that..I don't want  them worrying..I don't want the worry of whether or not I should be in the hospital...I should have just promised but I can't break a promise...I just can't and some days I just don't feel I can handle anything  .