well

im not sure what i want to write about..i want to update but i cant seem to connect completely to what was said in therapy this week...i dont know..i know i told her about what i remembered..and we talked about mommy and that relationship again...but its like watching a conversation and not being able to hear the words..i can see her talking to me..but i dont know or i dont remember what she is saying..even though i was super scared to tell her what i had remembered..it was important to tell her..i want this stuff out of my head..i want to be able to let it stop bothering me you know...im trying..i truly am...

but for now i am feeling ok...work got to be super stressful on tuesday..so i didnt work yesterday...im working today and tomorrow and then it will be the weekend..yay...

i have actually turned in most of my paperwork..and gotten caught up..i feel so much better knowing the stuff is turned in..so i dont know why i just make things hard for myself by not doing it..but gonna work on that...work on keeping up and turning my stuff in on time...i kinda do need to keep my job as i look for another one..blah...

but things are moving a long i think...i think the pain ive been getting in my side and my chest are more stress related than anything else..so i am just keeping tabs on it..and working to stay relaxed because tensing up makes it hurt so much more...no im not having trouble breathing or anything..and pain meds/muscle relaxers do help with the pain...so yeah..just trying to keep things as calm as i can for now...and just not worry...im trying hard not to worry...

i think there are some things that are making me nervous and fearful and im trying to not let that get to me... i dont know..maybe ill even go to the park this weekend and take a walk and just think...

but somehow there is a calmness right now..and i think that worries me a heck of a lot ...