not the best day..but calming down

its almost 4:30 and im finally feeling calm enough to actually do something..and all im doing is writing..i had an appt today..a doc appt..and i was very scared about going..didnt want to go..didnt want to think about it..etc..just not to thrilled about it..but i went..freaking out and all i went..and got there and checked in and all of that ..and it wasnt until the person doing the ultrasound came to get me and it was a guy..that was the first problem that started to cause a reaction and i really didnt want to do it...im not ok with guy docs or guy techs or whatever when it comes to myself and what not..and so it took a lot to follow him and not flip the heck out...the second issue was when he handed me a darn gown and told me i would have to undress  pratially...now i dont undress for anyone and my doctor my reg one anyway always asks before she touches me or something during an appt..and so that just sent my anxiety into over drive..but again i did it and went with him..and tried to stay calm and not freak out..and during the ultrasound there were a few times when i did feel so overwhelemed that i was close to crying..and i couldnt focus on him so i either looked at the little tv or at the ceiling and just wished for it to be over quickly..it hurt a bit..the way he was pushing and what not ..but im assuming he got what he needed..and i was able to leave..and i left quickly..and made it to my car before starting to really freak out..and the most pressing thought was going home..because home was safe and i was not feeling safe at all..took meds on the way home  cas hadnt been able to take them earlier ..and so was starting to feel bad in addition to feeling a lot of other stuff...and so made it home..somehow with donuts (no i dont want to know)...and laid down because was just scared and afraid and didnt want to talk to anyone or be around anyone at all...its been a hard day..tiring and draining..and i ended up falling asleep for a bit..but im sorta awake now .. but head is all messy and trying to just not freak out right now..feeling calmer though ..so that is good at least...and now will have to wait for the results and see what they say...fun