things are feeling really off right now..and i dont know how to deal with it i guess...im scared about things and feeling kind of a lone in figuring things out...i normally use message boards as my main support system and even those are not helping right now..and im not really 'sharing' right now..im just kinda reading and existing there but i dont feel as though i even fit in anymore..and i dont know how to explain it..just kinda not sure where im going with things currently..
im really upset with myself for my eating lately...its been disgusting to put it nicely and well a darn mess..i dont know whats gotten into me but it needs to stop..fast food is my downfall big time..and it sucks at how easily i am at like just giving in and saying screw it and just grabbing fast food instead of cooking or fixing lunch to take with me..i mean already my plan to eat healthier has flown out the window and im right back to where i was..and im doing just as bad now as i was last year..and im completely aware that im doing it..which makes me even madder..and i have a million and one excuses but at the end of the day its just me and my choices..and well yeah..its either change it or do something about it right...i havent had fast food so far today ...well i dont really consider fast food as subway..so ive had subway today...but well even so i still feel as though ive binged and made a mess of things...i know i need to cook ..and make enough to last a few days but funds are low and yeah..no idea...-sigh- this weekend ill try to get some money together so i can at least go and get stuff for lunch and everything..
still no word yet about the job or the apartment..and so im feeling incredibly frazzled and out of sorts right now..just wondering and anxious and just ugh..i just want to hear something..anything!!
im not sleeping very well..i think im having night mares but i dont remember enough of them to say yes or no on that one...i do know that in one i was trying to be abused so that i would fit in..and i was looking for ways to be hurt..which is unsettling..but dont really remember them..but im tired...on the way to work this morning i struggled to stay awake..and it got to the point where i actually thought i had taken my night meds in the morning..cas i dont really read bottles when i take my meds..i go on looks and just take them..but i was ready to fall asleep in the seat on the way ..and i just wanted to lay down and not even go to work..im feeling more awake now..but still a huge underlying tiredness...
but guess thats all i had to say for now..
1 comment:
well i love fast food or my body use too...i cant eat meat anymore because it hurts my tummy..but i can eat very lean lunch meat and hot dogs so go figure....
if ur gonna eat out then make it subway on a regular basis...its not fattening but healthy...but yep i agree u should cook to eat at home because its cheaper and that way u can save more money aside for when you can move into ur own place....you will work it out soon hon so dont stress it too much...blessings
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