i mean this past week ive been tired..and i thought it was the depression you know..i know being depressed can sap your energy big time..and yeah ive been depressed a lot..and so literally all i was doing was going to work and coming home..and spending a little time online..and then just going to bed..a few mornings i over slept..then i struggled to get up and moving and get out of the house...and then yesterday..i really just pretty much slept all day..something that i never ever do...and well i guess i was feeling super depressed yesterday..i dont know...maybe i cant even tell when im depressed anymore because i just stay depressed...but today..i didnt nap at all..i tried a couple times though ..and really had to force the no going to sleep rule today...but all i think about is sleeping..and all i want to do is sleep..and maybe thats making it a little more extreme than it is..but really i seem to only last a couple hours..and then i spend the next ten hours yawning or something..and i feel like i have no energy..and i realize it can be a lot of different things playing into it..i mean no im not eating the healthiest..and now im prolly not taking the best care of myself...but i think the depression makes it all worse..and i dont know..i mean no the meds arent going to fix things..but darnit i would hope the meds would give me a fighting chance at least..and nothing is making things better or more manageable or anything...and im just frustrated with all of it and not sure anymore what i want or need to ask the pdoc about...
currently i have 3 meds...im not sure if i need the trazodone stopped cas of feeling so tired...i dont know if i want to ask for the effexor to go higher so that i can feel saner..and im not even sure what the celexa is doing...i dont know if i should ask to try something different..or if there is anything that will help me focus and feel motivated and all of that..i dont know if i need to ask for the ones im on to go higher..or if i need to consider stopping them..and letting pdoc figure out something else..i just dont know..and i see pdoc on tuesday to talk about the meds and all that..and id rather not have another talk about hospitals and such..and so that means telling her whats going on..and im not sure whats going on..im just tired and sad all the time..thats all..i guess the sui feelings are a bit less..i dont remember if ive written about it any this past week..hmm no i think there were couple days..but not as bad as it was the week before..so no i dont know what to do about it at all ..i was thinking well maybe it would be best to just work out the effexor and increase it cas it helps the most i think..but if the effexor is the one that is making me more and more tired then well increasing it wont do anything but knock me out..which may or may not be a good thing..
havent decided on that yet..but i would rather that was increased i guess over increasing any of the other ones...or maybe i just need to try a different anti depressant..ugh..i feel like all im doing is just repeating myself over and over and over..and not getting anywhere...
so i guess its just going to be meds..and heading to bed..
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