....

i dont know..i cant seem to stop worrying..i keep trying to figure it all out and i dont have any answers at all..and that upsets me..i hate not knowing what is going to happen and how its going to work out..i cant be ok with just a 'hope'...i need more than that i need concrete plans..i need to know how its all going to work out and none of whats going on is like that or even a possibility and it frustrates me horribly...
because i cant decide..because i get scared and overwhelmed and cant think..im afraid of what is going to happen or how things are going to work out..i dont know..:( i do see t and pdoc tomorrow..maybe they will help ...

im tired though...like sleepy tired all of a sudden and i just want to go to bed...im freezing and refuse to turn the heat on or close the windows..cas well i dont know..but i cant even manage to catch up on the electric bill..and its so late..and every day i wonder if im going to come home and have the lights turned off or something..and i guess thats one thing i have to pay at the end of the week... ireally truly cant get ahead right now