surprised

yesterday was a good day..i felt good, almost happy even. you know my morning was fairly busy i had been up for forever..but then on the way to work yesterday things just kinda clicked in a way..and it just felt like i woke up and rejoined the world..i was in a great mood you know..and its been so very long that it was a little surprising...like i didnt want to stay in the house yesterday..i wanted to go out and be outside..and after weeks of isolating when i wasnt working..yesterday was like a complete turn around.so it was nice..maybe its the meds some..maybe i dont know..it was just nice yesterday..i wasnt worrying or nervous or anxious ...

and i found out yesterday that i may be able to sign up for benefits next week! holy cow that would be awesome..and im sure it would kick in for october and then i swear ill go to the doctor and take care of my blood pressure and some other stuff i have going on..and get my meds and not pay an arm and a leg..and all of that..that would be awesome..

and i get paid this week..and that is helping me feel a bit calmer..and ill be able to start paying bills again and not feeling so far behind with everything and yeah...everything is so behind and i hate it..but i can start paying again...i have an idea of what ill be making but im not completely 100% sure...so yeah..i just know it will be a nice paycheck..

and my birthday is next tuesday...its so so hard to believe that im going to be 27..again i have to remember that i never thought i would make it past 18..much less 9 more years...but i have..and my birthday is next week..and wel i have to work in the morning ...and then ill be kinda free..and im doing dinner with a friend..and thats kinda all i think..and then i decided i want to go to the outer banks for a weekend for my birthday..and its cheaper now because its offseason and so the hotel prices are really low and all..but yeah ill make sure i pay bills and all of that before i go and spend money on a mini vacation...but i really just need to get away for a bit...im not sure if ill be able to go home..or not that weekend after my birthday..i mean its just kinda im not ready to be at home..i dont know..

but lots going on i think

work is work...its going as well as can be expected lol...im still such a slacker when it comes to paperwork! essh..but im getting it done..and then today i start the preschool part ..and that is something im really looking forward to..

bounce is my little shadow ..i really dont think she knows that she is a cat! i really dont lol..but she makes me laugh and her and dusti havent killed each other yet so i think that they may actually like each other for afew hours out of the day.

in therapy yesterday..we were talking about how i wanted another pet..and i told her my list of animals that i wanted..and she told me that she thinks it means im wanting more contact..and its symbolic and is kinda meaning that im wanting more friends..i hadnt even considered that you know..i was just thinking i wanted another pet..but what she said makes sense i guess..and is slightly depressing all at the same time..but im not sure about that yet...i got a little card from one of the people in the support group i kinda started going to before..and its been maybe a month and a half since ive shown up...but i think ill go this week..maybe it will be helpful.. i dont know..

but yeah..im off to go and get breakfast and all of that..and get ready to go and start my day...yeah..