all things considered im actually doing ok...ive gotten over my inital panic from last week of feeling 'to' okay. i saw linda today and well i actually told her that she needed to stop helping me..and after she got a laugh out of it she asked what i meant and that i had asked a very loaded question...at first i was just upset..well from last week..i was upset that i was feeling better..calmer ..not as depressed..and then i was worried cas i started thinking that i was ok and nothing was bothering me and so i didnt need therapy anymore..and after today well i know thats not true. linda told me that yes i was making a lot of progress but that i had a long way to go still..and i guess that calmed me down in a way..cas i was thinking that if i wasnt in crisis then i didnt need therapy anymore and i dont know how to 'be' without therapy..i need her and so the thought of being better was just really bothering me a lot...but after talking about it i guess im feeling better...i know i can get through the week at least..and this is my busy week with work..and we now have 10 girls!! i think im gonna end up with gray hair and i dont even need my own kids to make it happen! haha kinda funny..
struggling with whether or not i want to go home in next weekend..i dont want to ..but i may end up at home..and then i wont have to worry about going home for like a month or so...but i dont know..i really just want to stay here cas in all honesty i cant really afford to go home...not if im supposed to be saving for the cruise and everything..and then getting to henrys graduation..and yeah ..lots of money i dont have ...but im managing..again ..no idea how i am..but i am
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