thinking

.i think something about today really has just been bothering me...i have really felt disconnected in a way..like all of the past stuff isnt there anymore ..like im so close to being normal..so close to being like everyone else..i want to be like everyone else..i want to be normal..or sane..or just together good grief...i just want stability..and its been so touch n go lately..that today really is throwing me for a loop..its not nothing can get at me right now...and so what do i do? i try to make myself feel something...i try to make myself have a reaction to something..just so that i can remind myself im still alive..that im still here..that i can still have a normal reaction..and i cant... i cant feel anything..im just here..and all emotions have been sucked away..all thoughts are just thoughts..all actions have no real meaning..and time just keeps moving..time always keeps moving