yesterday i was at home for part of the day and had started cleaning when mommy called for the millionth time and i told her i was in the middle of cleaning already when she went off on her rant about what needed to be done..she ended up telling me i was cutting her off but whatever because its perfectly ok for her to hang up on me when shes in a bad mood..but anyway later after i had gone to the health dept for my tb test stuff i got two calls from my job asking about clients and stuff and so ill be working next week and im really excited about that..i was hoping for one call next week and i get two this week! one is just a fill in for a week and im fine with that and one is a potential client and im just going to meet his family sometime next week and see if i would like to work with them and they also get to have a say in whether they want me to work with there son..so i have to remind myself to not get so worked up and upset over nothing..i have to respect the parents wishes..not a big deal but i know my feelings will be hurt if im told they parents do not want me to be there..and i guess they would feel hurt if i said no but if we dont get along or something it would suck for the client you know..so i just have to kinda keep all of that in mind when i meet them..not a huge deal i guess for some ppl but for me the small stuff throws me sometimes..so thats mostly whats going on next week..oh and i have baby training next week too and i am really excited about that because then i can start working with the babies soon too!
bank stuff is driving me insane..i agree i find it really weird that the company managed to get money out of my account without so much as a phone call to me about it and its ruined my account and so i had to file a claim this morning with my bank but i dont know how long it will take to be fixed..and i dont have the 700 plus dollars to put in my account to cover the overdrafts and stuff this has caused..i dont even have enough to cover insurance and it wouldnt have been so bad had my account not gone into negative and the money i had was left alone but now its like a battle to catch everything and cover what i can but its just stressing me out big time and i hate being told not to stress and worry about it..but i have to its my account and my bills are going haywire and i have to worry because i cant do anything else but call and wait and find out if things can be paid a little bit later..what little im getting back for my taxes is going to go into the bank and that wont even cover all the charges and i was really hoping i would have that money to pay bills with and i cant even do that now..when i signed up for direct deposit with my other job it was only for direct deposit and so the fact that they reversed and took back what was put into my account without so getting in touch with me is a huge pain in the butt..and then my actual job knew nothing about it which makes it all the more weirder..ugh and it all sucks because now everything is once again falling apart since i was planing on the money i had to cover bills and its all gone..the little bit i have in savings cant even begin to cover it all ... so im happy to be working next week so ill start actually getting a steady pay check in march ..and that seems forever away but its really only a couple weeks now..maybe 3 i think..but still immediately it sucks
and one of the things that came up yesterday while i was out and doing stuff for mommy...because i went out and came back and earlier mommy had told me that i would have to bring wayne to town and it was like ok whatever..i got home and suddenly i didnt have to take him but suddenly i just had to come now and get something for nia and take it to her job and then wait around for her to get off of work and take her back to town and go and get stuff for her trip..but when i went and got the stuff from mommy she was all mad at me because i was annoyed and the way i was answering her questions.and it was like why do i have to be happy to be running errands for her and stopping what i wanted to do because i just had to go and do something for her ..and i wonder why its not enough that i do it..why do i have to be happy to do something i dont want to do in the first place? why do i have to be made to feel guilty because im not being happy enough..what else can anyone want from me? its not fair that i cant be whatever it is i want to be or feel or something..and its like no one can handle if im upset or something..and so i have to keep it away and keep being happy even if im not..its not much fun at all..its a pain because everyone tells me im ok and im not but i cant be upset about anything because then they may have to ask why im not ok and no one really wants to know i guess..least of all mommy..
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