Writing

Gosh I have so much to say and it's really weird talking to my phone and having it right what I'm saying. I went over to visit Sarah tonight and completely fell asleep on her. I like being able to just lay with her. Last weekend we actually got to spend by ourselves together and it was very amazing. Sometimes I forget that privacy is such a big deal. We got to explore a lot and we talked a lot. And I'm pretty sure I slept a lot.

So much has been going on things are changing really really quickly. I'm hoping that I'll be able to stay on my meds from now on and remain stable enough to not keep wanting to think about suicide. I'm trying to actually utilize therapy and let her help me .I'm just tired of struggling so much and constantly wanting to hurt myself.

And some really big changes that have happened really really quickly. I went from living in a hotel to getting an apartment with my roommate in a week. I am now working full time at a job that is really stressful but I'm still determined to make it work out. I even got to apply for benefits this week from my job. Its hard because they're still the struggle of trying to catch up with all the bills that I hat fallin behind on. Mommy is now pushing hard for me to send her money with each time I get paid and that gets in the way of me doing what I need to do. I want to get my stuff out of storage so bad and I'm stressing myself out trying to figure out how to make it work money wise. But tomorrow I will have the apartment to myself for 2 weeks. Not that I will be doing anything important but it's just nice being able to come home and know that you know all my stuff is where its at and not be so irritated so easily.

The cruise is actually now I'm paid for and and now we just need to work out gas money and getting down to Florida and packing and all that kind of stuff... I really AM ready to get out of here for a little while and I have to ask my doctor for some sea sickness medicine just to be on the safe side... But I'm nervous too because this is a real vacation and  the second one I've been on without liking of family involved . It is scary doing stuff on my own as an adult without worrying about what Mommy wants to say or want to do or whatever .

But now I'm getting sleepy so I guess that's enough talking for tonight. Now that I can get internet on my phone I should be able to write a little bit more often. I've missed being able to write and get my thoughts out of my head.