i feel like i am stuck once again... i really dont know what mommy wants from me..i dont ... first she pushes about getting another apartment..then she pushes about finding yet another apartment when the first apartment begins taking to long..pushes for moving somewhere else..check into hotels..look into a room..keep calling about the apartment..every day..every freaking day it is the same thing..do this..do that..and the today..after ive already gotten a couple places set up to look at..and shes like..oh now i dont think the room is a good idea...i want to scream...my head hurts..and im just tired and annoyed with looking ... i want stability so very badly and right now its like the more i want it..the more i seem to just not have it..and that makes me sad..depressed..im just not able to feel settled right now and that does upset me..logically i cant afford to stay in the hotel..i really truly cant..but the more i try to do the more it seems like nothing im doing is working or is good enough.i dont know what else to tell her..i dont know what else im supposed to be looking for...or what other options i have...i just dont..and thinking about it makes me feel even sadder because these would be the questions i would take to therapy...but im not in therapy anymore..so i guess the questions will stay in my head..the wondering and doubting and all of it..no point in even mentioning it anymore...i just feel out of place..out of hope...running out of steam i guess in a way..
am feeling rather crummy today...head hurts.and i keep thinking i need to call in my meds..but my head hurts so much i keep forgetting in the same moment...i think im a bit frustrated with everything..and i know i need to get my meds..i do..my head keeps hurting ..and the tense feelings are sticking around..well they have come back..i just want to lay down and sleep ... thats all i want...but i cant sleep..and i dont know why..
No comments:
Post a Comment