Sunday, January 18, 2009
it really doesnt matter what i do or say..im wrong very very wrong. shes right and im wrong and bad and mean and horrible and i dont know. doesnt matter. tired of crying about it. headache wont go away after earlier today when it was all laid out for me from mommy..about how i only care about me, how much im mean and rude..how i have to many secrets..it went on and on and on..at some point i stopped listening..just kinda went away..couldnt deal with it all anymore..cept it doesnt matter cas the effect is still the same..the thoughts are all over the place and today turned into every other day this past week..stupid me for trying to be ok ..stupid me for thinking i mattered at all and was an adult..ive forgotten what its supposed to be like at home and have been talking to much..saying all the wrong things..would be easier if i would just shut up and do what i was told to do and not argue..go back to being quiet and good and whatever it is im supposed to be..kept thinking why dont u just hit me and get it out of your system..would go faster..would be easier..cant figure out what im thinking about..cas its all not good anyway..i dont want to talk anymore..i dont want to go to therapy..i dont want to do anything at all
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Please take this post to your next therapy session. No wonder you are quiet... You've had to be to survive. Talk to your therapist about possible ways to handle your mom when she gets into one of these tirades. Could you calmly tell her that you are not going to listen to her run you down and then leave the house? I know she would yell/scream or maybe get mad enough to even hit again - but could that be any worse? And at least you would have stood up and let her know you are not going to keep accepting her ravings. Please please take your post and this message to your therapist. Tell her - this is why I'm quiet...and talk about options. Don't give up. Your mom is reacting to your changes - talking more, etc. - which are GOOD changes. She just wants to keep you the same "obedient" girl who will accept all her crap and be ground into the mud and not expect anything other than what your mom wants to give - which is CRAP. She has problems. You do not have to give up the progress you've made just because she can't handle it. You deserve to have a life. You are worthy of respect and being treated with such. She is incapable. Yes, you have to survive while you live there - but you do not have to give up. You can take the next step and begin to tell her you will not believe or accept her rantings. Again, PLEASE take this to your therapist and talk about it. It will be worth it. Love you.
Post a Comment