struggling...

i dont know what to do about anything right now...im worried about my job..im worried about everything actually...money..therapy..being at home..cutting..purging..both of which ive been doing lately...completely stressed out and everything is back to being way to much to deal with..i hate everything..i cant handle anything..blah..things just bite a lot right now..i have no escape over the weekend these days..im stuck with mommy..and yesterday i had to help her with the beach house..she told me 4 hours..she told me after that i could leave..but guess what..im the stupid one because i actually thought she would keep her word and well i was stupid for believing it..every time i tried to leave i was talked out of it..because since i was there longer then i could help more..i could give up my time and be more helpful..when i didnt want to be there in the first place..and i tried and tried to keep my calm and not freak but it didnt work and i was just so mad ..so upset yesterday..it wasnt fair..but that aside it has just been so hard and my job is not going as well as i would have hoped..i love my job and my kids..but gas is to expensive..its killing me and sucking up my paychecks..i cant handle it..and once again everything is falling behind..and i hate that..i hate struggling to make ends meet and not being able to do it..and being at home is just getting harder and harder..and its like something has to change before i manage to kill myself..and i was talking to nia about it and its like i could apply for the jobs in a different county..and if it works out it does..if it doesnt then it wont be the end of the world either..but if i make it the trail period if i get the job then i would move there..it would be about an hour drive there and back..there are a lot of social work jobs in brunswick and i can apply for all of them..its so weird you know..i could move up and its like the scariest thing ever..i dont know what to do..i dont know what i should do..its so confusing..i hate change..i dont want to have another job..and even if i do i wonder if i would be able to stay with the early intervention part..i want to get that certification..but i feel guilty planning on leaving my job now..oh i just dont know..a lot is just stuck in my head right now..and i dont think ill be able to go to therapy this week either..i want to go but i cant afford to go..it sucks ..all of it..