ugh....rant

ok so i got back my group grade and it pushes my final grade up to an 89..of all freaking things to get i have to be that darn close to getting an A and not getting one at the same time! i have no idea if Dr Bunch will give me an A or not and that sucks big time...i mean im really hoping she does but if not its not like i can hold it against her but good grief the whole thing just sucks majorly right now...i have one A so far and thats for a different class but two finals to go and then im done and then i dont know..home and christmas and a vacation all in three weeks...i dont really want to go home at all but not like i can get out of it either...but anyway it seems im back in therapy...i went today and it turned out ok i guess..i talked she listened and i like the other place better but they werent asking me for my thoughts on the matter anyway...something i realized well besides me being a dork and everything but the teachers and what not just assumed i would go back..for some reason i didnt doubt that they would trust me to tell the truth and when i got asked about it today i dont know why i didnt lie about all of it and just not go back if i didnt want too...weird i guess..maybe ill ask my advisor about it but it is kinda interesting to think about...considering i lie to mommy every other day but i wont lie to my teachers..and im not even really sure why not...i mean yea lying to my teachers would take a heck of a lot of work but i think if they ever found out i had lied that would lessen there view of me or something and i dont want that...so they get the truth and some of them are extradinarily patient in waiting for it because i can look at the wall for a good while before answering questions but yea now i want to know why they trust me..but anyway i learned today to that i can take the bus and go to my appts fine but its one heck of a walk through the hospital parking lots..good grief i thought i was walking for days and i had to go all the way around the hospital but crossing the street didnt kill me and depending on where i cross at i should be ok and manage to handle it...although thinking about it last night just completely stressed me out and i was worried but i had to do it and maybe that helped some..but i guess im going back..and at least i did tell her i wasnt sure i wanted to come back and that has its weird points but i guess she was ok with me telling her that...and of course now i have to make another treatment plan and i suck horribly at making them but geez i got homework so i guess ill just have more thinking to do.