nothing

so much is going on in my head right now...it has really been a bad visit..i shouldnt have come home...but i am putting some work in the whole mindfullness thing and trying really hard not to cut or anything else for that matter..although thinking about it is just making it worse..so i think about it because if i dont then ill start trying to do something really stupid and then where would i be except in the hospital..right now i just want to paint and i cant even do that till i get back to s chool...im not sure about coming home in july but im pretty sure ill have to..there are a few problems with that to the main one being..if i come home to stay over a month im not really sure ill be going back to school im not really sure ill be going anywhere...i dont handle home to well anymore...still have a few more weeks to deal with that one though..im not sure what ill be doing with dusti..i dont think i want her here anymore and i dont know if ill be able to leave her at school..it was selfish of me to keep bringing her home when i know in the end it just gets me in more trouble..im not giving her away though..

i saw arran the day i came home and i told her about the burning and purging and suicide stuff and now shes worried about me and i really didnt want that..but now she knows and i guess thats alright..i had been trying for forever to get around to telling her about the purging...i still dont like that she can put me in the hospital...i have one more appt with her before she moves to the other place...she told me i should be getting a letter soon about where ill be going and i really hope its with her..but even if it is i have no idea how to get to the new place ...i kinda know where its at but me and 4 lane streets just dont get along..its not like i havent been known to just stop in the middle of traffic for what ever reason and i dont cross them alone if i can help it..i really should stop doing that though..it scares yvonne when i start walking with cars coming...but anyway

im trying really hard not to attach myself to my teacher and its not working out so good...and my grammar sucks and anyway..umm yea getting attached to a teacher bad..getting attached to two teachers really bad.. it doesnt happen often and i know of all the times it has happened and its only been like twice and both times i eventually made it so i wasnt so attached anymore but it took a while..i expect them to save me and it doesnt work like that..it never works like that....and i dont know..