things are sudddenly moving to quickly and the fear is back..the anxiety is back..and all i can do is try to force it down..push it away..i cant be afraid..im not a child..this is nothing right..a little surgery..nothing to cry over..i dont neeed anyone to be babying me at all..im just stupid for forgetting where my importance lies..i forgot that anyone and everyone can come before me and now that my brother is looking at surgery before me..he is the one getting the attention..and care..and me? well ive dropped back down to where i usually am..just waiting to be noticed..just waiting to see if anyone even cares..and so i am pulling in..i wont talk about hurting anymore it doesnt matter..i wont talk about doctors or surgury or anything because its not important..ive dealt with it in silence this long so what is a little longer...what does it matter at all.. just once i wanted the attention, the care, the support..and not even looking at surgery can i even get anyones undivided attention..so whats the point..
i dont care and no one else cares either..and i am alone..i dont know why i thought anything would be different..i wouldnt dare say anything to mommy..no she cant be in two places at once..and well my brother is more important than me and so she will go to him..because that is the right thing to do...because i wouldnt take that from him..he is the youngest..he will need the most help..aand me..ill manage..because thats what i do..i dont need anyone..
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