i watched this movie this morning..for the second time...and i feel compelled to write..compelled to think to act..to just do something..i dont know what..
for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuff..is the actual title of the book the movie is based on and i have yet to read that book. sometimes stops me from buying it..from reading it. im afraid ill relate to much..that ill read the different stories and see myself looking back at me..im afraid to face the truth..of knowing what is wrong with me and working to change it. i dont know why i watched the movie this morning..i really dont..because it did get a reaction out of me.. they werent as bad and overwhelming as the first time i watched the movie..but they were reactions all the same..hurt..horror..sadness..unspeakable sadness for all the times i have been hurt..of all the times i have seen someone hurt..for all the times i have felt so helpless and unable to do anything to make a situation better..it is hard watching that..it is hard knowing that the truth is there and it cant be hidden from..oh you can try..you can try with all your might to hide from the truth..but it will find you..and when you least expect it..it will claim you..
sometimes it is really hard being so supportive to others...im expected to be supportive and caring and nice ..but no one is there to support me..my supervisor told me that i do have ppl to support but i am not seeing it..sometimes i wonder why it is that i am so alone in trying to deal with my self and my own stuff..who wants to listen to me..
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