stupid

just feeling upset. feelings are hurt. alot well feel hurt anyway but then maybe im not
should have figured sooner or later mommy would let me know what i had been doing that bothered her for the week. most of it centered around my driving and speeding and having a car crash ..well the possibility of a car crash from my driving and that my car would end up in a ditch somewhere and its prolly not good that my response to it was well ok im sure you wouldnt care anyway ..but then the conversation moved on to what i had picked to wear today and why i needed to go and change because it didnt cover the scars on my chest completely..and she didnt want anyone asking questions..because she was so concerned and so worried..you know im sorry ive just managed to ruin her life so much.. how is it not important what i feel about the whole thing? the scars are on my body not hers..im the one that gets to deal with the questions not her..but its her problem..its her concern..its all about her, it always is and then what i think or want or feel just dont matter at all..because the question should have been how come you picked to wear that shirt today..or are you comfortable in the shirt..not go and change..shes concerned all right..shes concerned about if ill be seen as crazy or she will be called a bad parent or something..could care less about what i felt about any of it..because to her i stop a long time ago and it was just because of stress in school and everything and thats it..would hate to pop her bubble not that she would listen to me anyway..

anger makes the feelings of wanting to cut much stronger
sadness makes the feelings of wanting to die much stronger
being unable to decide just makes it worse all around