a million headaches

i have another headache but thats because i took a nap that i didnt need to take and when i woke up my head wouldnt stop hurting..i didnt take anything for it and now i getto suffer but its been happening a lot lately...woke up yesterday close to 8 and took a nap around 1ish and then was ready to take another nap by 6..not cool and instaed of going to sleep i asked yvonne to take me to get a soda since we were in the middle of our road trip and i was being horrible company since i kept falling asleep in the car...but we went on a road trip yesterday and went to raleigh and of course went to build a bear and the disney store and other random stores...allen and justin met up with us at the mall and we went out to lunch together and that was ok..justins not bad and we get along ok but all the same nothing is going to happen..i met allens parents yesterday and im actually starting to get more comforatable being around him...we spent the night at allens house and i took justins bed and i tried to get out of it but he wouldnt hear it so i got his bed for the night and its incredibly weird sleeping in someone elses bed and after i stopped freaking out about it i fell asleep and it was ok...we came back this morning because mommy was supposed to be bringing my car but of course that didnt work out and still no car for me and no idea when ill be getting it and its really starting to suck..but i should have expected things to not work out like they were supposed too...but yvonne has been really nice about taking me places and to work and everyhting and i give her gas money when i ask to go somewhere...we are going to see over the hedge tonight and that will be a lot of fun because ive already seen it and she hasnt but it was good and i think she will like it...on the way back from raleigh she told me that she was really glad i was in her life and i really wanted to not believe her and say that she was just saying it because i was sitting in the car with her not doing anything..but no she explained it out for me and i just got around to believing what she said..its still uncomfortable having ppl say anything good about me and i am trying hard to deal with it and not freak out completely...ive gotten better at it but i dont know...im still confused about the whole someones lying to me and i dont want to think about what is true and whats not because it just gives me a headache...i know the truth because im not a complete dork but ignoring it just isnt working out..because if i think about it long enough without being interupted i can come up with a heck of a lot of junk i would never bother telling anyone because it wouldnt make sense..the fin aid stuff is starting to worry me because i cant really do anything on campus and my class has once again been dropped and i dont have the time to get anything done..tomorrow is going to be so busy going back and forth trying to cram everything in and not being able to i dont think...class is at a horrible time tomorrow and i still have stuff to do for that class that i havent finished yet...i did manage to get all of my clothes picked up for the mpst part and i need to get dusti to the vet sometime soon because shes not drinking a lot of water and im worried but i havve to wait until i find out about school junk first..mommy keeps telling me not to spend any money because i might not be getting fin aid and i know that if i dont get any now my bank acct will be emptied and then i will have to go home every weekend to babysit and that wont work out either..as if i dont have enough stuff to worry about..yvonne is starting to get annoyed with mommy because i was making her rush back this morning because mommy didnt know i was out of town and i knew if she came and i wasnt there i would be in a lot of trouble and yvonne didnt get why it would matter..and after a while it gets hard explaining anything about how things with mommy works because it really doesnt make sense at all...i feel stupid trying to explain any of it because it does sound like its wrong after a couple mintues..and im used to all of it and it doesnt bother me until it starts to bother someone else..we also talked about my inablity to yell ..which still surprises the heck out of me..i say i yell and everyone else says i dont and that i couldnt yell if my life depended on it...yvonne says she has never heard me yell and ive lived with her for almost a year and a half now..she also told me last night that shes never been mad at me because i was watching rent and i asked her if she ever got mad at me would she tell me in a song...so then we got on the convo of that shes never been mad at me and that im a great roommate and friend etc etc...so it was an interesting ride back this morning...we got back and colored instead of cleaning and listened to music and played with dusti and fell asleep watching a movie before coming to campus..she also told me for the fifty millionth time that the shirt i was wearing was nice...and i told her so and she said ok but i know the next time she sees me in it she will say the same thing..but i was thinking about why i didnt really like it and of course i know i dont have much self confidence at all and maybe thats all of it..i mean theres really no point in liking myself when i always hear i need to change something or stop doing something..kinda puts a damper on things..but anyway havent been purging since the last time i did it while i was at home...trying hard not to cut but i think thats just turning into a losing battle..things are just starting to crowd in on me and i cant fix any of it so it seems and it sucks big time..im not looking forward to tomorrow at all...but i guess ill just ha ve to see how it goes..a routine is starting to fall into place so maybe it will help..