whats wrong with me ?

Right its feels like everything is out to get me..like everyone hates me and that im the worst person alive..pdoc dropped me today…and no matter how I try to think about it ..thats what happened…I went for a regular appointment…only to be told that she will not see me anymore..and that I will need to find another pdoc…really ?? you leave the unstable girl with out anyone to manage the meds that I do have..yep that is a nice one..and do you really think that you will be the one I call if I am feeling suicidal ?? cas you forgot I guess that I cut and well you have to explain it to me..spell it out for me because well im feeling really stupid right now…now far into my suicidal thinking I have to get for it to be ok to call? And what makes you think that I would call you ? really?! You have turned my world upside down right now and left me feeling as if I have no support and that no one believes in me..and yes I guess im just another patient..but again for whatever reason im not enough…see my irrational stuff comes up hardcore when things happen like this..my need for higher levels of care came up again in all of this..and that just leaves me feeling crazy…like I just have no hope of getting better at all..like im not ever going to be better..because I haven’t managed to find the care that I need..and so it makes me want to just call it quits with all of it..i don’t want t and I don’t want another pdoc and I don’t want anything..i can manage by myself ..i did it for years..what makes now any different? All I have to do really is make sure I get to work in one way or another…how I get there doesn’t matter…what I do to get there doesn’t matter..and who really cares if I have to cut every day just to lessen the feelings and thoughts and all of that in my head just to remember that I do have to go to work? Who cares about me at all ? and I have to go to work tonight and have to deal with a 6 yr old who is feeling the same way I feel..and I don’t think im up for her stuff today..im not..if she starts acting out ill have to leave..because im not stable enough right now to deal with her stuff and my stuff…ive spent most of the day thinking about how to get ahold of razors…no I don’t think im in the right frame of mind to be around my clients today..i really don’t ..