things kinda suck

i came to nias yesterday...she told me i needed to come and i didnt have any better ideas so i came..and it has been a distraction..but she can only be with me so much..and tonight i am feeling sad and depressed...very sad and depressed..i dont know what to do ..i know i said that i want to take a break from everything..you know..and i can do that here at nias..but the thoughts gone stop...im still thinking about the girls..about my job..about how empty my days are right now..i dont have work to worry about ..but i have every thing else to worry about ..and im stressed and not stressed all at the same time..i cant deal with looking for another job right now..and im trying to be ok with that..nia has been talking to me about jobs and school and umemployment..and its all overwhelming..but you know i know she is trying to help and she keeps it to a minimum ..but i know she is thinking about it as much as i am..and mommy is thinking about it...and im trying to move on and be brave and just let it go..but its hard..i hate it..i really do..just still at a lose..still struggling...still hurt and upset :(