not incredibly happy

just wasnt up for doing anything atall today :( after that appt this morning..well the pdoc is ok..shes nice enough..her questions were what set me off and they should have been expected..but i was more worried about going and meeting her than the actual wquestions ..so it was unexpected..and hard..really hard..all the abuse questions..a couple the doc gave up on getting me to answer because i couldnt..had to keep telling myself to calm down and relax and that it was ok..and it didnt help and it was pretty bad emotional wise i guess..it caused a lot of upset feelings ..and a lot of remembering what hadnt been thought about since leaving the other t..so not good this morning...she added 2 new meds...one for sleeping and one for the depression..and all three together i have learned will be almost 200 dollars a month ... shocked the crap out of me..2 of them dont have generics and im assuming that even with insurance im paying full price for them..ugh ...so that is going to take a lot A LOT of planning to make it all work..and then with seeing the pdoc and various t's im just feeling a little overwhelmed ...i see both the new t and new pdoc next week..and my old t did manage to move my appt for me so im going home only once..thankfully..

and old t did call me today..which was unexpected and made me really happy and i told her some of what was going on and the changes but it wasnt a phone session..just a touch basis type thing cas i kept emailing her bits and pieces..and so yeah..she called me actually before she got the message about needing to change appts..so it was nice..and she told me that if the pdoc hasnt asked all those questions she wouldnt have been doing her job...i wasnt to pleased with that observation
..im worried about the med changes a little bit..just reaction wise...but i was expecting it..so i guess that may make it a little easier..

and the pdoc wants me to go and get bloodwork drawn to have my thyroid and what not checked to rule out any physical issues..and so i have scheduled that for friday so that i can get it out of the way and not stress about it..

so i technically start all the new stuff tomorrow..but the sleeping one i took tonight as i was leaving work so that i wouldnt be up half the night just worrying about stuff...

so we will see i guess
just stressed a lot right now and trying to stay in control because that is the most important thing for us..is control..and seeming in control..and not losing it..and yeah..its just getting harder and harder