update of sorts

a lot has happened..its hard to get my head around all that is going on..so many changes and upsets all at the same time..some i cant fix at all right now and have to just wait out and some are well just kind of ok and moving along..its scary though..knowing that ive moved and am now living in va completely..i have an address..i have an apartment..i have a job..im on my own again in a way and that is overwhelming all by its self..i mean i do like it..i just have to get used to it again..i have to figure out what my limits are again..im so used to being told what i need to do that having to tell myself what to do makes me nervous..im still looking..over my shoulder waiting for mommy to just pop up and yell at me for slacking off or something..and on monday it was really hard and overwhelming because that was kinda the first real day alone and i wasnt ready in some ways..i made it through it though, it just took a little work and a lot of distracting myself ..because for the first time in months i was wanting to cut..and urge was strong and thankfully i didnt have anything to use! but it has passed now and i think im slowly feeling better about things..things are still a huge mess in the apartment..my room is done because well ive had the time to spend putting stuff away you know..so that was ok for me..but i still have a lot of stuff downstairs and this weekend i ahve to go home and get the rest of my stuff that got left at home and some stuff from mommy...and spend a little time with the kids i babysit cas i didnt get a chance to say goodbye to them..cas of working and packing on my last week there..i didnt have time for much really! but ive moved now and its still a bit shocking..cas i would be the only one i guess that didnt believe i would go through with it..i really didnt..but like linda told me..i kept doing all the stuff to move even if i didnt think i was going to do it...

other things are kinda suckish..money is horrible right now..but im done complaining about that..what happened wasnt my fault but the money from my check is gone and will not be refunded so im stuck..and its going to be a sucky few weeks..very very sucky..but ill deal with it..and im opening a new account, at a different bank ..the overdraft fees at bb&t are just to much to deal with right now..so im going somewhere else..

dusti likes it in the new place..she is happy i think to be able to just kinda roam around the apartment and not be locked in just my room anymore..

but thats about all i guess..thats going on..

i start work next week and im a little bit nervous about it..but i think it will be ok..i hope it will be ok!