a little better

things have calmed down for me a little bit..im feeling more focused and just kinda put back together i guess...i called linda the other day and left her a message..and then got to talk to her twice..and she is calling me today..well later in the afternoon..which i am really happy with..i havent cut..the urge isnt as strong anymore..still there but i can work around it..i was in the store wed i think and had to leave because i wanted razors so bad..and linda told me that if my job was causing that much stress then i need to look for another one..well if i go back to cutting and what not then it may be better to look for anotther job..but i dont want another job.im determined to keep this one..i like the people there..im starting to know them a little bit..i just have to keep in mind that i am super easily triggered there..and i have to be even more careful about shutting down completely...again..and so the search for a new therapist has to start a little sooner than i hoped..im not managing very well not being able to actually see linda..talking on the phone helped but its not the same thing..i have to see someone and know they are physically there..and linda cant really be that for me anymore cas she is to far away..but im not happy to have tofind a new one either..maybe it will be better i guess to find one while im still talking to linda i guess..but i still dont like the idea very much at all ... so its been a pretty busy and emotional week i guesss

but heading to Roanoke va to go to this art show...its called healing for creativity...some of the workshops do sound pretty interesting..i didnt submit anything but i do want to go and just kinda look around..im going with a friend who lives in va too..and its a weekend thing :) so a bit excited about that