not feeling safe

im not feeling safe at all today..overwhelmed and scared..i gave in and called linda and left a message earlier but she hasnt called me back and that makes me nervous too..im afraid to even go to the store right now because i want to cut so much..going to the store is just an opportunity to get razors..i want to have them..not use them..but how long would that last ?? how long before i would give in to the urge and cut again? im supposed to be a role model..im supposed to be doing better..and instead i think feel like im falling apart all over again..i dont know here yet and so no i dont feel safe or stable here..im not stable..but i have to keep it together enough to get by..and like usual ill make to be in control by tomorrow morning..but for tonight..im just all over the place..and out of it..out of focus a bit..back to being more forgetful again..its been a steady decline i think in the past couple weeks..after moving..and then the triggers and upset feelings from work last week just kinda pushed all my issues to the surface..and i cant deal with them..and im back to wanting an escape..any escape at all..