lost in my head

...a ramble...

talked about family a lot in therapy today..and talking about it makes me realize just how much i dont know about it..i grew up with all of these people and dont remember then...we counted today..at times there were up to 11 or 12 ppl living in the house at a time..and i dont remember..how can i not remember..i couldnt even describe the first house we lived in..i knew nothing about it..what color it was or how many floors there were, or bedrooms or anything..i didnt remember..i lived there for 8 years and couldnt recall anything about it..after i left her i remembered the basement and something that got me in a lot of trouble..but that was after i left..i didnt remember moving to nc..but we did .. i know they added on to the house because we needed more bedrooms..i remember ppl coming and going..stay out of mommys way when she was at home..and its just that it makes me feel nothing to think about it..i cant imagine being an only child..if you put a toy down there was always someone there to pick it up and take it..everything was shared..nothing was really truly your own in a way..there were a lot of us but for some reason it was never crowded..you had your space in some aspects...none of the doors locked..none of the doors lock now cept the ones that go out..the bedroom doors dont lock..the bathrooms ddont lock..nothing locks..always check for locks..always need to see the door...

nevermind