long long day

i wonder if picking at scabs counts as si...i notice sometimes we are doing that a bit more than usual..picking at the legs or fingers when feeling nervous..dont know..i dont think im going for the pain factor because its not huge..but well i dont know..just picking at stuff..nothing big or anything and i think im just talking in circles right now.. head is all over the place and i dont know its been one of those days where things just kinda happened..came to help out yvonne and take her to go and get her car..which i didnt really mind you know..i wasnt doing anything else and it would have been something to keep me busy..but that turned into sitting at the car dealership for almost 8 hours...and i think it was just the combination of everything that slowly kinda led to us just starting to freak out about everything..not feeling well and being stuck in one place all day..and couldnt leave because would have felt majorly guilty about it...she got a car that she isnt great at driving yet ( a manual) and i dont understand why she did it when she is having so much trouble with it and getting so frustrated with it..and its stalling in traffic and what not and she gets agitated and starts yelling which in turns puts me on edge..and i mean yea its a pain a huge pain learning to drive stick and that i understand but i guess being stuck doing it at the end of a long long long day just made it worse and im sure it will be better once she gets the hang of it..but then teaching me to drive her car is next on the list and thats not gonna go over so well because i tried it today a couple times and seriously freaked and just stalled the car completely..and i dont know..blah its been a hard day..keep drifting off and thinking about so much stuff..getting hard to distinguish whats past and whats present..and found out that r friend shared something with her roommate that she promised not to share..and it was really surprising and hurtful ..and she apoligzed because it was brought up by her roommate and my first reaction was just crap why did you do that...its upsetting and hurts because i keep thinking that if mommy ever found out i told then you know more trouble for me to deal with..but i can understand it was an accident and im not sure if im upset or just disappointed about it all..and she has been saying sorry about it all night and trying to let me know that she is really sorry and im not making it easy for her at all..im not trying to be mean but i havent managed to catch up in my head all thats going on..and what she told was about family stuff and its like thats what we were talking about in therapy this week and that makes it even harder to process and deal with...so i dont know what to do..i dont want to talk about it and havent said much to her about it but i know it will have to be resolved at some point..because otherwise it will just turn into this huge deal.. but i dont know..part of me just wants her to be upset and feel bad about it be cause she broke the promise..and that really does make me feel bad..and im doing a whole lot of feeling bad today..really big urge to just get away from it all..i dont want to be inside but its dark outside so i dont want to be outside but i do ... and she also mentioned how i deal with being frustrated and how i dont yell and curse and what not..and she was comparing herself to me and it was not ok at all that she did that because then i felt like a hyprocrite..because shes telling me how well i deal with being frustrated and i just sat there and listened and kept thinking crap its all just a big lie..and if she really knew what was behind all the scars she has seen she wouldnt say that at all about me..and i didnt say anything at all..