yea im pretty sure ive lost my mind

im at home currently and the weather is miserable of course and like clockwork the great topics of discussion is my arms and my scars and gaining weight..its so funny and stupid and depressing all at the same time..yell at me if you like but can i please get some variety...its always the same old stuff and i know all the great conversations and i would to be dumb enough to ever sit down and make some poor innocent kid listen to a bunch of bs for an hour..so whatever..same argument same result..yea i still suck blah blah blah...but anyway im stuck here until saturday or sunday but thats no big deal i guess...but back to the thing that made me wonder if im crazy or not ... for some reason ive been really worried about going to grad school soon..well not like next semester but within the next year or year and a half...and with that thought of course came well i need to save if i do that because i already have a butt load of loans i have to pay back rather soon and im just sick of watching paychecks become nothing faster than i can get paid and i dont even do anything for the most part! it sucks ..so i want my masters and even though i know im not ready for grad school at all i wonder how much therapy it would take before i am..but then i thought about moving home for a few months and working in wilmington..i have refused whole hearted to ever move to wilmington and live..i refused to ever go back home and live long term because it just sucks to much and it would just be one argument after another...but then being as logical and sensible as i can moving home is the only way ill be able to s ave money and work without having to pay rent or bills minus car stuff..and i hate that..i hate that im even considering it..but i am..if i want to go back to ecu i will need a new apartment and that will mean extra money to get everything turned on and ugh more bills but then there are also loans and student aid that will kick back in with that...and i still hate that it makes so much sense...and i even mentioned getting another cat and that both of them would be in the house if i moved back and mommy was just like ok..im used to dusti and as long as the litter box is cleaned then ok..she also mentioned me and nia getting an apartment together if we went back to college at the same time because her school is less than an hour away from ecu...crud i hate being so smart sometimes...the whole thing really worries me right now and i know it will be a miserable few months just because i cant seem to be around mommy and keep my temper and im sorry but im sick of being told i have to go to work and help her do her job..i depise cleaning someone elses house...i dont even like cleaning at home but i can do it..darn me for ever picking up that one..hmm not that there was much of a choice in that part of things but whatever..i hate being told since im here then i have to go and taek nia to work and pick her up and run errands and then get yelled at about gas money and needing so much of it and ugh..so given i finish losing my mind and agree to move home it would be around christmas/new year that it would happen...