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so many different things going through my head..how can there be so many things to worry about in one day..there should be a law that says you arent allowed to worry about more than one thing at a time in any given hour sad.gif im driving myself up the wall worrying about so many different things..worrying endlessly about things i just dont know how to fix or why i should fix..i dont get anything and after you know the thrid conversation about money and lack there of i dont know what im supposed to be doing..given i should have realized im only getting one check this month because well we only worked for a week and then ill be starting again in a couple weeks but i wasnt thinking and i just let myself belive what i wanted to and didnt worry more when i should of and then i have mommy yelling at me and telling me not to spend anything extra nad not to go out or do any of the 'fun' stuff i usally waste money on ..well bloddy heck if i did anything but buy gas or food then i would stop but i havent done anything but watch billls eat upp my checks until the last trip and then we had our fun out of town and that was it.. and now im stuck going home and spending my time off working my butt off babysitting to make extra money to once again pay for bills...i had just gotten around to being comfortable with the idea of going back to therapy and it only took 4 or 5 months and i had been planning on figuring out all of that in the time i had off but i cant because im going home..and then going somewhere else and then going back to work and theres no time with the summer schedule...being off once a week just doesnt cut it for doing anything in the real world and now im stuck again and stuck waiting until there is more time to go back and i dont want to go but its becoming a pain in the butt having my head just fill up with so many thoughts and dreams and everything and not having anyone to talk to about it..writing helps but it only goes so far and im still to scared about telling anyone i work with about the cutting/purging/depression whatever..i show up to work happy or sad..hurting or not so it shouldnt matter what it takes to get me there..so whatever..ive waited this long whats the point of rushing now...ill wait and maybe ill finish signing up for health insurance and see what is covered under that therapy wise..maybe ill actually be able to save up enough to afford therapy...blah.. stupid stuff as usual