no no no

i really am having a hard time putting into words what it is that is bothering me so much right now....im tired..and wanting to sleep during the day..so i know there is something i am trying to avoid..im sleeping for hours at night..and this is the day time i just want to sleep to be sleep mood i think..and so yes something is up...

but what is it??
stress about moving
stress about being approved for the apartment
paying my rent or letting it go at my current apartment
two possibly sick cats
owing everyone under the sun money
travels and holiday sh!t
worrying about traveling and holidays
trying to keep myself together with the holidays and my own sui feelings that come up
work
paperwork
my mom being all nice and accomadating to someone else..and i feel like im going crazy...
the debt i owe someone
not being able to afford to do a damn thing right now

take your pick...it could be any of those..it could be all ... there is to much to think about...to much to deal with and yes..i want to go to sleep and hide and pretend...

there is so much in my head and im so upset right now because of stuff relating to my mom more than anything else..like yes i have a friend..and for the love of god we are only friends..but she invited her to thanksgiving..and im not stupid..i know why she invited her..and i know her underlying reason for why she invited her..but those i can even let go of...its the simple fact that she is being so nice and accomadating and all of that for my friend..and its like what happened to acting like you cared when i was a kid or when i needed help???where was all of that care and conceern then ??? but now its like ok lets put on a good impression for a friend so that she will have a good time and feel welcomed and all of that..and i feel like a liar..llike my feelings and pain and issues arent valid at all because my mom is now so caring and helpful and nice ..and its like all those years ago..did i make that stuff up??? did i threaten to kill myself and hold the knife to my throat??? no that wasnt me..that was fucking mommy..but no one else seems to remember than...no one at all..and im left out by myself for being ungrateful and selfish and unloveable and just stupid stupid me...she will end up liking my family better than me..and then ill be by myself yet again...

i guess maybe i am forgettable..completely and utterly forgettable