things are changing...yes i am fully aware of that..i am stable most days...trying to replace the negative with positive..working to keep hang on the negative thoughts..to remember that i am ok and will be ok and that the hard times will pass...
and at the same time..i find myself annoyed with some of the places i visit online..just that it seems im not on the same level as them anymore..im not constantly in crisis..im not feeling suicidial..im not actively cutting or hurting myself...yes i still have some things to work on yes..but sometimes..i just dont know..
im beginning to once again feel like im not fitting in..that im just hovering somewhere between managing and being okay..will the good days outweigh the not so good ones...
im taking my meds..im seeing my doc..im trying to deal with my life and do what i need to do..and i trying to let go of everything else...i want things to be different...i want to be happy and find happiness..and i am afraid..but i want it so so badly..im trying to understand that it is possible for me to be happy..with myself..and with my life...i want it to be happy..safe...protected...
now i wonder about the future more than i wonder about the past..the fear and hurt and pain is there but it gets a little bit smaller each day...im talking about it...honestly.. for me..i dont think i need to hash out everything in the past...deal with it and let it go...and that i think is something i have been doing without therapy in all honesty...
but i am afraid of being better..im afraid of losing the support..im afraid that i will e left to care for myself with no support at all ...
i dont know
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