i was doing some work stuff today..and adding up paychecks and things..and i realize that at this time last year i was thinking about how my life is ruined..how hard it would be for me to catch up and live and do anything..and this year i have a job..and i have an apartment and so much more..and i guess i can acknowledge how things have changed for me..how things have gotten better in a lot of ways..and how i am struggling in different ways...i mean mostly im still struggling to learn to manage my finances..and my depression...those are my two biggest struggles right now..but how have i improved in that time?? i have a job..and i like my job..i just got my eval and earned a raise..i live alone and am beginning to realize how to live alone..if only i could get a handle on my head..and grow up a bit..get comfortable with myself..i dont know..i guess there has been growth but of course im afraid to acknowledge it completely..and the certain struggeles are making things seen so overwhelming and frustrating ...
im hoping that next month with my first pay check ill be bale to buy my tickets for both ny and new orleans..and then i can slowly work on the other stuff associated with those trips..gotta get the tickets though..thats the first step..and i do so much want to go..i really really do..i need to get out of dodge for a while..i really do..
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