asking for needs ...sigh

this came up in t yesterday..and left me so upset and frustrated that i told t i didnt like her...

i mentioned feeling like i have a lot of needs that arent being met and that i dont know how to get them met...like i want attention sometimes..and at those times i end up wanting it so so much and not getting knowing how to get it that i just isolate even more to find from the feelings..from the needs...i dont know how to comfort myself and i dont know how to ask for comfort or whatever the need may be...and t is like..well you have to ask because other ppl dont know..and i just couldnt wrap my head around that..asking for what i need..no no no no no ugh..feelings get to jumbled and confused with that little statement..it is hard and scary and attention seeking and bad ..because it is like asking for attention and attention is not good at all..and i dont know its just so frustrating to be trying to figure it all out...she did ask me to keep track of when i am feeling like i need something..and what it is and everything and i think i can do that..but im not so sure about taking steps to ask for anything from anyone else...

i think the huge underlying feeling is that i need a mother..well a mother figure i guess..you know someone to listen and care and give hugs and support...stufff i didnt get growing up..and now i feel to old to get it ..but that doesnt stop me from wanting it..and then i feel so so needy because i feel like i want to very much and i cant have it and so it all piles up and becomes overwhelming...i dont know