rant

i just need to write before my head explodes or i start crying in the computer...i mean im not doing anything but playing games online and im still tearing up about nothing...ok so i know what im tearing up about but i havent cried about it yet and i really dont plan on starting now i left this morning with yvonne because i just didnt trust myself to stay home and leave on time...at least if im wasting time on campus ill actually go to the meeting i guess...i should have eaten this morning and im feeling sick but majorly hungry at the same time...ive learned that is the downside to purging...if i purge and do it 'good' im so hungry later on and it makes purging a waste if i start eating again later on..last night i had to go to bed just so i wouldnt go looking for something to eat...if i hadnt purged i prolly wouldnt be feeling like im starving right now but i am and i dont have money or anything on me to get anything to eat with anyway so it will have to wait until after the meeting and thats just if i decide to go home or not and i dont know how long the meeting will be or anything and its not like i can really plan anything right now... i just noticed my fingers are going numb sitting in here for so long and i still have like 2 hours to hang out before its time for me to go and looking at the clock makes me feel like im gonna be sick...ok everything makes me feel like im gonna be sick right now...i really hate not knowing what im going to be asked...i would just much prefer to go back to bed and pretend none of this is happening and that this is just another monday to waste doing nothing...i havent even begun to study for the test i have tomorrow and i just printed out the info for the paper i have due on wed. i dont know what im waiting for but i cant concentrate on anything until i know for sure what is going to happen and what i will ahve to do....i spent most of the weekend thinking about how all of this got started and how it would have just been better if i had lied about all of it and i know that even if i had done that someone would have caught me in the dept eventually and that just makes me feel more horrible

ok guess ive complained enough