done for now

i have such a headache right now..i think my eyes are going cross literally i made it through the meeting and have a whole group of teachers tell me again and again how concerned they are and all the questions and i really should have figured that i wouldnt get out of the meeting without talking at all...they made a point to include me even if i barely looked at any of them...you would have thought i was walking to my death thats how stressed i was about all of this...and i have to meet with my advisor again on thursday to get a copy of the contract and all of that good stuff and i will be completely glad to never be in the same room with any of them again but that wont be happening either...and im still having so much trouble processing all of this and i really hate that i had to agree to a semi safety plan and know that its there in writing its like im entitled and expected to follow it and i dont like letting it be known that im suicidal and now i have to bring it to my 'teachers' attention which sucks...i barely even let my doc know and they weaseled it out of me and i knew it was coming but still wasnt expecting it and i said no at first and then got the whole long talk about why it was important for them to know what i would do if i had an emergency...and one of them just had to ask if i had been suicidal before and when...getting sucked into the floor wouldnt have made me feel any better about anything that happened today...i just want to go to bed